So.... I'm not good at keeping in touch.

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I'm not sure that anyone reads it, and it's kind of my place to howl into the void. today, it's more of a whimper than a howl, though.

My life in brief: the past few months.

+I left the bookstore the end of September. It was time. I still love it, but it was driving me crazy.
+I got a job working with my ex-. I'm working 3rd shift downtown, photocopying stuff for lawyers.
- Although I was hired as a supervisor, I have no crew, and the company structure is... not good. I think the owners use the company as a tax write-off. I don't anticipate being here more than a year.
+Second Life
+Kitty is 11 and still healthy and mean.
+I've acquired some really good music in the past few months.
+The roommate's girlfriend moved out.
- You couldn't tell by the amount of her crap still in my house. Really. She's only moved about a third of her stuff in 3 months.
+ Went to see the family for Christmas.
-Stress.
-Dad is seriously depressed and is drinking himself to death slowly.
-Either my sister or I will end up having to care for him.
-Mom's boyfriend has agressive prostate cancer. They have been together just over a year.

I'm physically ok, and mentally pretty good most of the time. But sometimes being alone gets me down. My roommate has a girlfriend, so I've lost most of my place in his life. My friends are all pairing off and getting married or having kids. I feel isolated and alone, even in a room full of friends. I have lots of people who care about me, and I love them, but it's so hard to get around the loneliness and talk.

Be well, and be kind to people.

S.

Goodbye, Arriel.

Arriel at work

2 weeks ago, an old housemate and friend passed away. Scuttlebut says (and is probably right) that it was a heroin OD. Her memorial service was Saturday.

Arriel and I didn't get along really well after I moved out- she was angry with me for some choices that I had to make. I never stopped caring for her, though. I was happy when she got clean and started turning her life around. Seeing her made me smile.

I always admired her courage and conviction. She went cross-country on her own. She protested for causes she believed in. She made art and published 'zines, and worked with other homeless kids. She was strong, and fearless, and vital. She was amazingly innocent, but knew everything about the shit the world can hand you. She kicked heroin..... until it kicked her back.

I went to the service on Saturday. It was the 2nd one that week (my roommate's grandmother died last Sunday). It was a good service. Painful, funny, bitter, sad. It was at the commune where she'd grown up. One of the common rooms was full of her art and her bikes, with slideshows of photos, and a place to leave messages and grieve. The service was long, and was followed by a potluck dinner. Arriel would have liked that, I think.

Goodbye, Arriel. I hope that you're not in pain any more.

Say hi to my friends Danny and Jason, if you see them.

S.

Update on my life

New cool things:

1. I'm dating again.
2. For the first time in 10 years, I'm in a poly relationship.
3. My sweetie's wife approves of me.
4. I may be getting involved with someone I've had my eye in for a while.

Also,
5. I've realized that I can no longer go to SF events for fun. Work sneaks up on me in subtle ways, and I end up spending the entire time passing out my card and shaking hands.
6. I'm really trired today.


And Mom went on a date last Saturday. Yay, Mom! Also, I had to explain my dating situation to Mom. Sigh.

Life is good, I want a cookie.

S.

Contemplation

Chaoscenter's blog has got me thinking about people I've loved who are gone. Here's my list. I wish you could have known them.

Dolphin- Aspiring writer, lyricist, cartoonist. Funny, passionate, strong. Hit by drunk driver.
Jason- Died on a hike. Undiscovered heart defect. Never affected his smile.
Lucille- The grandmother I always wanted.
Danny- Died in his sleep. One year clean.
Molly- Short, tough, Irish Jew. Reserves hand-to-hand combat instructor. Sweetest person ever.
Uncle Ed- Looked like Al Paccino. Viet Nam/ agent orange finally got him last year.
Andrew- Brain tumor. Died New Year's Day. I never got to know him as well as I wanted.
Grama & Grampa- Cared enough to take my Dad in, and let us be family.

I am a better person because they were part of my life, and my world is a sadder place without them.

Sokmunky

A New Year's Gift for You

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/moresexthanme.html


A friend just gave me this link, and I hope you enjoy it.

Sokmunky

Blood is
life
power
a gift to be shared
a treasure to be stolen
magic in its purest form
a summons to like
true bond and promise
hope
the beginning and the end.

Stuff about me:

I've been working too much.

I haven't been doing enough fun stuff.

I'm disappointed but not surprised by the political divide in the US.

I know how Mom voted, and I'm ashamed to talk to her about it.

I have a new nap buddy. And he gives good backrubs. I forsee a lot of time spent snoozing on his couch. Yay, naps!

I got to say my farewells to a friend last week. His Guard unit is being sent to Iraq for 2 years. This is the 2nd time in my life I've seen friends off to die in the Middle East. Once was enough.

I got an obnoxious singing duck puppet for my birthday. Loud, annoying, and Old McDonald. Who could ask for more? Oh. My boss got me a repro viking stile helmet from Museum Replicas. Unfortunately, it's a dress helmet only.

I'll be at Mom's for Thanksgiving, but back home on Friday for work.


-Sokmunky

" Sokmunky. The name says it all. Power. Prestige. Poo. Sokmunky."